{"id":144,"date":"2008-04-12T15:48:30","date_gmt":"2008-04-12T15:48:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/filosofille.wordpress.com\/?p=7"},"modified":"2026-05-12T09:13:16","modified_gmt":"2026-05-12T08:13:16","slug":"qa-3-mar-08-are-we-coping-yet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/qa-3-mar-08-are-we-coping-yet\/","title":{"rendered":"QA 3. (Mar 08) Are we coping yet?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"stress\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

We mostly notice it when we\u2019re losing it, already at the edge. Overburdened camels observing the arrival of one. more. straw. We gird our loins, call out the reserves, hope for a second wind (or a third or a tenth). Once more unto the breach, dear friends!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Medical literature describes babies who don\u2019t gain weight as \u201cfailing to thrive\u201d. Maybe the positive description would be \u201cbabies who cope\u201d. Just coping: not ideal, just the best one can do right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t disparage the courage and fortitude of \u201cjust coping\u201d. It is always a genuine accomplishment to come through adversity, no matter what a scramble it\u2019s been. In heroic mode, Nietzsche wrote, \u201cWhat doesn\u2019t kill me makes me stronger.\u201d What he forgot to add was: what has made me stronger damn near killed me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

At its furthest extreme, coping is a desperate struggle against despair itself. You\u2019re reduced to sheer endurance, perseverance, will power. You put your head down, set one foot in front of the other. You resort to magical thinking, invent small targets to draw you forward. Whatever it takes to get through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This strategy is a problem when it cuts you off from the shifting world. It\u2019s a kind of fundamentalism. You put your head down with a snapshot of the world in your mind\u2019s eye, locking it in place, sure that any new information could only confuse the situation or make it worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

~<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To cope<\/em>: \u201cto prove oneself a match for; to contend successfully\u201d and also \u201cto strike, come to blows, encounter, engage\u201d. Derived from the Greek kolaphos<\/em> (\u201ca blow with the fist\u201d), it is related to \u201ccoup<\/em>\u201d: a \u201cbrilliant stratagem or success\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is the other threshold of the experience of coping. To feel our strength tested and proven in struggle. To be a contender! To seek out challenges, to thirst for engagement, to grapple, take risks, to be knocked down and jump back up. To be able to cope with anything. Indeed, to thrive. There is joy here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So what makes the difference? Luck seems to have something to do with it. I can cope when my resources are at least a match for what I\u2019m up against, but we know that both resources and vulnerabilities are unequally distributed in the world. Attitude, beliefs and expectations seem to have something to do with it. One person glides where another staggers. (But there is a temptation to magical thinking here as well: as if a positive attitude were a prophylactic against hardship, or, conversely, that we have brought our hardship down upon ourselves.) Ingrained habit certainly plays a role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think the idea of engagement<\/em> might be key: to learn to be present, fresh and alert in each moment, to express in life \u2013 with life \u2013 the skilfulness of the martial artist, the flight of a jazz solo, the disciplined intensity of tango. In the Cape\u2019s harsh environment, fynbos expresses a thousand ways of beauty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a9 2008<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We mostly notice it when we\u2019re losing it, already at the edge. Overburdened camels observing the arrival of one. more. straw. We gird our loins, call out the reserves, hope for a second wind (or a third or a tenth)….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,5],"tags":[8],"class_list":["post-144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-everyday-philosophy","tag-coping"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=144"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2383,"href":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144\/revisions\/2383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=144"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=144"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.further.co.za\/helen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=144"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}